im confused.. how i wish i can knw wad u're thinking deep inside u .. sigh .. can u pls explain to me ?
Today is X'mas Eve ! Benny say tonight going Boat Quay ~ AGAIN ?! Sick of there man ..
Tonight's gonna be a night for us to count down and at the same time , gather together once again ! YEAH !
But seriously , i don feel like going Boat Quay .. See how ba , later calling Benny and discuss about it . This year , seems like everybody is so busy to plan what to do tonight . zZz Including me , no time to plan too .
Hmmm , mostly imptly is , everybody gets to gather and play hard isn't it ? It's about the smile , laughter and joy . Ya ? (>_
Errr .. Tml is off day for me . Eh ? is for everybody , not just me . hahahas . Except for Taxi , Mrt , Buses , Convenient stores and many more ? LOLS . hmmm . everyday routine is still the same , wake up at 8am , work til 6pm and then go home . Have a dinner first followed by internet and then , Zz monster time . hahahas ! ^.^
Guess what ?! i gtg alr . =)) here's my advance wishes , Merry Christmas To Everybody !
p/s : Merry Christmas To You Too , Hope u enjoy ur day ! =x
12:48 AM
Saturday, December 19, 2009
NVR ONCE ! NVR ONCE ! fuck !
6:09 AM
WOO !! This blog rusty till the core man ! F*cking long nvr post alr . im using this blog is bcos im lazy to create one . and yeah , jus feel like blogging out of the sudden . =)) hahas . hmmm ..
ORD LO !! xD2 years had passed . i've learnt alot during these 2 yrs . Time passes not very fast but not very slow too . The day i went back camp to collect my Pink ic , i was like .. very tired !! Went to BQ and drink for the whole night ! after tt straight away go back camp and do medical ffi , and den collect my ic . zzz .
when everybody walked out of the camp tgt , tonnes and tonnes of memories and past jus flash pass my mind . all abt my life in Army .. Every defining moments , every pictures of us coming back from outfield , our laughter , arguments and so many more !!!! blah blah blah ~
alright , shan't tok abt Ord thingy alr . Tired of the word " ORD LO '' alr . zz
hmm , started work immdly after i Ord . Every one else is enjoying , but im not . =( But , it's ok la .. FUCK ! NO MOOD TO WRITE ALR ! CCB !
5:48 AM
Monday, December 22, 2008
chatted with him ytd.well , all ie can say is .ie nort only remember ur bad things .of course ie remember ur good side.cause no one is totally bad of course.How u picked me up from sch everyday .torelate my parents scolding in public ,picking me up from workgiving me surprises ...and also torelating my attitude , etc ....all these are all remebered and appreciated.well , dont think ie will be updating in this blog anymore ,cause there nothing much to blog abt anymore..this blog will be left as a PLACE to read up everything once in awhile.remembering the good old times and also bad ones.lol ,well , lets just put it in a way ,a place that once had a beautiful memories and story in it.Now its just a memory .im rly nort saying that u are the BAD guy , The worst guy ie ever met or what .cause u seriously are NORTTT ....even now , ie tell some guys that ie only aknowleage 1 guy as my ex.all my other ex airnt consider my ex causeie didnt truely loved them b4.well , but im NOT going to mushy ard here =.-lol ,so ...just wanna say .u moved on , im moving on too .we are heading to our own separate lives alr.ie wish u all the best to u and ur gf ,and of course ...any circumstances u will face ahead , u have my blessings.definietly we are still friends ;DByebye .
9:47 AM
Saturday, December 20, 2008
guess someone feels im pushing all faults to kaming?so , kaming got phobia of my attitude ,den what abt me?im nort afraid of getting timed agains.my phobia is bigger than his , thats why im always so insecure.whenever he says he's going to where ever ,ie feel so afraid he's going to meet another girl.think ie wasnt afraid?!Yes , ie admit my attitude is like fcuking horrible , like fcuking hell horrible.its impossible for u ppl to imagine.but seriously lahs.im still not to that extend whr ie have gone insane and attitude ard FOR NOTHING.there is shure a reason behind it .what that caused me to get angry .what that caused me to explored , did it ever occur to u?yups , ie ever unreasonably attitude him in far east .this up to know , ie noe im fcuking hell wrong for doing that .but u cant use the word phobia as if u wan say phobia .common lahs.iie suffered a bigger phobia.even if ie have a super sucky attitude ,in the end , in a r/s most imptly is loyality and trust .He spoilt it all .we tgt for only 1 months+ he alr spoilt the trust that we are building up .ie dunnoe why ie forgiven him at that time ,till now sometime ie ask myself maybe ie shuld have let go at that timeden the hurt wouldnt be so great now.but in the end , each time when ie feel maybe he's changed , he will timed me agains.everytime new faces appear.new girl , as tho having me wasnt ever enuff.but , im not gonna talk abt that anymore.ie just wanna say , we both got our wrong.He is a good bf , rly.ie can say , the bestest bestest BESTTTTEST one ie ever had .a very good one thats why ie will love him so much .he's flaws is he's still nort rdy to settle down in a r/s with ONE girl bahs.But , to me .. this is alr too much for me to accept causeie expect that since he's my only bf , ie wan to be his only gf.But ie cant.ie thought by holding on to him ,ie can slowly change my flaws and he slowly settling down with me .but in the end , we create more reasons to hate each other.ask me if ie hate him , ie will say yes. ie fcuking hate him ..hate him for letting me fall in love with him when he wasnt rdy to settle down in this r/s.My flaws is my attitude , this ie noe myself .he says it all the time also .so ,ie guess what im trying to say is.maybe we are nort match for each other ?cause im looking for a guy who is willing to settle down in a r/s .love one girl , only care for one girl .and nort loving girl A ,next talking to girl B slowly feeling girl B is also nort bad .gaining feelings for girl B yet also still love girl A .den dont knoe when , Girl C will appear .and im also not match for himas he's looking for a girl who wont attitude him .nort a girl who will scream at in the public ,or spamming calling his hp.and ie seriously hope that whoever he is with now .that he wont timed the girl too .To all the guys :If u are nort rdy to settle down ,dun fcuking jio a girl .den treat them super good .let them slowly falling for u deeply den smash their hearts.cause u airnt us ,u wont noe how much pain we have to go thru .it may look simple ,just forgeting this person , moving on with our lives.But , during the process of forgetting this person is alr a process of going thru HELL ,and slowly moving on dragging ourself out of the hell cave when all our body are cover with bloodand scars.yes ,the scars is permanent and it might change our life forever.u airnt us , u guys wunt noe how much hurt u will cause us Oka?p/s : ie wunt ever regret ever once loving u , ie wunt regret holding on to u for so long .ie wunt regret every slightest thing that happened to us .regardless happy / sad .cause ie noe they are part of my life story ,no use regretting when its alr happened.instead , ie will treasure them and making sure ie wunt ever repeat any mistakethat will repeat my misery.p/s : maybe 10 years down the road , we spot each other ,this time both of us changed ,who knows .... our story might begin again .hahahha , nah . joking.p/s : Last with ur gf alrights , longer den us.cause if u dun , ie will be laughing at u .remebered u said ' she gave me a very good impression 'it rly sound as tho she is super goood ,so , make shure u both last :)
6:14 AM
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
ie didnt want to write abt this to preventppl for using this to humilate me / say me.whatever it is.But somehow , im bored now .and ie think , its ok that ie say this cause at least now ..ive alr let go of this relationship right?well , before ie went to genting viewed his friendster :/and ie was so stunned to see his status ' In a relationship 'gOSH , ie wunt deny , ie felt so upset until my tears swelled up .ie cried for awhile and del-ed his friendster immdly ,which ie dunnoe why ?guess ive seen enuff .then ie remember he said ,' if one day ie gt a new gf , it means ie alr consider properly. 'well , then ie believe he must have made up his choice properly .he must have alr decide that this girl was meant for him .[ wonder how long he noe that girl only ? ]nvm la , different ppl gt different ways of knowing a person .maybe he just need 2 weeks or so to noe and believe that this is his mrs right?hahahas.den ie realise , ie shuld give him my blessing right?like , thats what ie shuld be doing .giving my blessing .yes , when ie looked ,ie said to myself ,' hope u both last uh :) 'anyways , ie watched this show.they said ' in this world there's no such thing as i cant live w/o u.after listening to this , ie so agreed .and this hit me .ie dunniid him to live !ie noe in this whole relationship for coming 2 years ,aiiya ... is 2 years 6 months , only thing is for 8 months we werent tgt but we still behavelike couple cans?!so , ie consider that as 2 and a half months , ive always been faithful .nv once ie timed him.this ie swear .altho when we broke alr , ie did go out with other guys ,but all merely friends.and , ie actually forgive him so many things which ie shuldnt at all .holding on to him so tightly.loved him whole heartedly ,ie given my all , everything ie can do for him , ive done it.ie holded on till my very last ,until im rly tooo hurt and tired to continue chasing behind his back.ie can say , the girl he's with now ..her love cant even be compared to mine :BHahahas ,but thats the past now.now , ie realise ..all the while ie would just sacrifise my feelings for this relationship .when he timed me and stuff ,because of loving him too much ,or what u ppl said ' BLINDED BY LOVE 'ie forgive him again and again , no matter how hurt i am .ie ignored my hurts and forgive him.No matter how he ignore me , no matter how he hurted me .ie ignore my hurts and hold on.But , im done.ie have neglected myself too much .because of love , ie try to forget the hurts and hold on.yes , ie cant say he's the bad guy .cause ie have my flaws too .my attitude = sucky.hehe :BBut , ie believe it wunt be as hurting as a person u love having another person outside right?well ,ie realise , now ,ie wanna seek for my own happiness.someone who will be paitent with me , care for me and pamper me never neglecting me.someone who see me importantly ,nort a person who 1 week ago will msg u every single day ,care for u after awhile become so cold and only care to chat with other girl .ie am rly too tired , ie cant keep ignoring my feelings .because ie forgive once , 2nd time happen ,and because ie forgive twice ,3rd time happen .there will never be an ending .we dragged for so long ,he went to his ex and say miss her and stuff ,ltr went to his ex friend and jio her friend ,maybe he was rly playing only.for one min , ie actually told myself maybe ie can just forget abt this.cause like he said ' he no wrong . he's single what .'ie actually thought his words are right and he didnt did any wrong ,im just too over hurt by it.But now , again when ie think bakk .he did give me his word , he told me he loved me ,and we are dragging this relationship cause we are in consideration of each other.we are half patching back stuff.he shuld nort be doing these stuff at all ,since he claim he love me.Agains,ie realise ie neglected my hurts to compromise to him .and again thought of ignoring this whole situation.but , suddenly he said he lost feelings for me cause he met this good impression girl.ie realise thats how 'deep' his love were for me.heh!very ' deep ' .lol!he isnt a bad guy , but what ppl say .' HUA XIN ' or maybe some guys likes to enjoy many girl loving him.maybe he loved me ?but he feels one girl isnt enuff.But now , ie wan someone whowill love me and only me ,no matter how many 'goood impression' girl pass by , they still love me.lol .well , ie believe this guy will pass me one day .and when this guy comes ,ie wunt hold back ,cause ie totally give up hope on this relationship alr.ie totally dont pin any hopes on this relationship alr.and , everyday ie remind myself everything that ie pull through ,but never was ie appreciated .slowly , ie feel my feelings for him are decreasing ..ie will be gone soon ,like ie said ..im walking str8 and ie will nv turn back .Wow , writing my heart out feeels goood .hahahas ,anws .one more thing ,ie just wanna let ppl noe .every starting of the relationship is only a HONEYMOON period ,dont put ur whole heart in immd cause , for 1-5 months ,ur partner will treat u super duper goood ,he/she wunt mind travelling far just to see u .he/she will treat u like a piece of rare jade , treasure u .But after the honeymoon is over , thats when ur partner true love will appear .thats when ur quarrells starts .ie realise , ie devoted myself to him during the honeymoon period ,slowly , when he timed me , because of love.ie forgive , slowly again and agin repeating same mistakes.because ie used to believe ,as long as ie hold on , as long as ie love him ..one day he will realise this , he will appreciate me by caring for me , faithful towards meand giving me back the love ie gave to him..But , ie was wrong ..im a fool to believe this .in the end , im still left with nothing.It wont work went another party doesnt cooperate ,when another party doesnt realise but instead take advantage of ur love.Haiis :/but its alright , lesson learned .
10:02 AM
